ratherastory: ([Rome] Ahem)
Hi LJ!

*waves*

Long time no see! That's because I haven't been writing, and I pretty much only use this LJ for my fanfiction. No fanfic, no post, you see how that goes? I stopped writing because writing was making me hate myself, and so far I haven't regretted that decision, even though I still feel guilty about not writing. Of the lose-lose scenario, this one was the least painful.

On a much brighter note, I am going to Wincon, thanks to the generosity of [livejournal.com profile] valtyr who bought me a pass last year when I was broke! \o/

So, who else is going? I want to meet as many of you wonderful people as possible! (And then, quite possibly, I will be peopled out and spend several hours hiding under a table, but you're all cool with that, right?)

Speak and be heard!
ratherastory: (Crash and Burn)
You know that moment when you read a fic by an author you know and love? And this is a really long fic that they've basically dashed off on the metaphorical corner of a napkin, and they apologize for it not being beta', and by the time you're done you're a wreck?

Right?

So, this inevitably leads to me being a) thrilled at the fic and b) too depressed to ever want to put pen to paper again.

I'm not a bad writer. I know this. I write pretty clean copy, and I have occasional flashes that result in pretty nifty sentences here and there. Overall, though, I'm pretty middle of the road as writer. Nothing very inspired, and my plots tend to be either repetitive or pedestrian or derivative. Again, I'm not saying I'm bad. But after over twenty years of honing my craft, I've achieved "okay," and it's incredibly frustrating and demotivating. It would take me five lifetimes to ever reach the level of proficiency that I want, so at a certain point, I have to ask myself why I bother?

I'm not one of those people who would just simply diiiiiie without writing. I have stopped writing in the past, and lo, I am still alive. It feels melodramatic and disingenuous to say otherwise for me. When I was little I would read L.M. Montgomery et. al. and nod my head at all those heroines who declared that they simply could not imagine a life without writing! That's a lie, though. I don't have to write to live, and I've gone for months and years without writing in the past.

The irony is not lost on me that I've given pep talks to other people on this subject. You should write anyway! Everyone has their own unique take on a subject! Every word is important! Etc. I just can't seem to apply this to myself. *shrug*

I got nothing. I'm just depressed and angry at myself because I was supposed to write 5k today and now I'm not going to.
ratherastory: ([Futurama] Drama)
I have lots and lots of thoughts about Season 8. The problem is that I'm a little too anxious to post them here or anywhere else, because it feels like all I've seen online lately is people getting more firmly entrenched in a pro-$brother position. As though somehow one brother has to be unconditionally right and the other unconditionally wrong. A lot of it is anti-Sam, which hurts my little Sam!girl heart, but I've seen enough anti-Dean commentary to make my stomach hurty as well. :P In fact, it's making me actively avoid any meta/commentary posts even by people I normally trust, because I can't trust that the comments won't be full of vitriol, and I'm worried that even these lovely, sane people might somehow fall down the same rabbit hole and then I would be sad. (No, it's not rational, whatever.)

I hope I can safely say that it isn't about who's right and who's wrong. Both boys have been very badly damaged/hurt by what happened, and they're each coping in their own way. They're both entitled to their feelings, and they're both right and wrong. That's always been the strength of the show: that every character has their reasons for what they're doing, and while we may disagree with the choices they make (and for the record, mistakes are choices by definition, otherwise they'd be accidents), we can understand where they're coming from and why they're acting the way they are.

Also, it feels like it's frowned upon to not have strong feelings about the season. You're supposed to love it or hate it, but you're not allowed to like some parts and not others. God forbid I enjoy the show but at a lesser level of involvement than I used to feel.

In short, I don't think I can post my thoughts without having to put in several thousand caveats first, and that is sucking the fun out of it.

FML. People, PLEASE don't post comments in here about how Show is "clearly" favouring one brother over another. You are PROVING MY POINT about why I am reluctant to post anything or even click on meta links. Take it to your own journals! Please and thank you.
ratherastory: ([Firefly] Aw shucks)
Man, so many people sent me so many nice PMs that I haven't been able to reply to individually.

Guys, you are awesome. Thank you, seriously. I can't tell you how much I needed it.

Anyway, there was a misconception, it seems. I am not leaving fandom. I'm not leaving LJ. I'm just... not writing right now. If the writing fu magically makes a reappearance, then I will simply start posting fic again. :)

Thank you again. You are all so, so lovely, and you deserve all the love forever. ♥
ratherastory: ([Futurama] Drama)
*sheepish wave*

Hi all!

So, um, for a fanfic journal, it's been depressingly void of new fanfic in here, recently. I apologize. The short version of the story is, well, pretty much everything I've written since March is pure and utter shit, and I haven't been able to finish a single damned story.

I'm only marginally optimistic I'll be able to get my exchange fic done in time this week, and I'm probably going to end up dropping out of the couple of challenges I'm still in.

Woe is me, etc. *shrug*

Anyway, in case you were wondering what the hell happened, well, there it is. :)
ratherastory: (Ahem)
My apologies to those of you who have the misfortune of being subscribed to me at AO3, I know you got spammed over the last few days as I got caught up on backing up my work.

The good news is that I'm pretty much done. I have one multi-chapter story that I still haven't backed up, but everything else is there now, so no more spam! Yay!

For those of you who didn't know that I have found yet another place to crosspost to, well, now you know. I can be found here: faviconratherastory.

I actually really like the AO3 format. LJ will always be my first home and my primary posting grounds, but AO3 allows me to embed images and links much the same way (unlike fanfiction.net), and I'm slowly getting used to how it works over there. There are things I still don't understand (like, what the heck does 'Orphan my works' even mean? It sounds like I'm ordering a hit on myself, which is mildly terrifying), but I'm working my way through it.

I am also pretty much caught up on all the comments & feedback that had been piling up in various places, which is definitely good. I kind of got swamped there for a while.

I am still fighting to the death with my Big Bang. I am at that point where I hate everything about the fic and am convinced it sucks. This happens pretty much with every long piece of work I have ever written, and I think it's not uncommon among writers and artists anyway. ;)

I have a bunch of medium-to-big writing projects due fairly soon. It's weird, but I've gotten a little stuck on writing long things lately. All the long fic I've posted was written a few months ago and simply finished and edited recently. The longest fic I've managed lately is maybe 3 or 4k. I don't know, it hasn't been a great couple of months, writing-wise. Hopefully things will pick up and I'll start feeling excited again about the whole writing thing. Right now everything I write feels like it's utter shit. Feh.
ratherastory: (Ahem)
My apologies to those of you who have the misfortune of being subscribed to me at AO3, I know you got spammed over the last few days as I got caught up on backing up my work.

The good news is that I'm pretty much done. I have one multi-chapter story that I still haven't backed up, but everything else is there now, so no more spam! Yay!

For those of you who didn't know that I have found yet another place to crosspost to, well, now you know. I can be found here: faviconratherastory.

I actually really like the AO3 format. LJ will always be my first home and my primary posting grounds, but AO3 allows me to embed images and links much the same way (unlike fanfiction.net), and I'm slowly getting used to how it works over there. There are things I still don't understand (like, what the heck does 'Orphan my works' even mean? It sounds like I'm ordering a hit on myself, which is mildly terrifying), but I'm working my way through it.

I am also pretty much caught up on all the comments & feedback that had been piling up in various places, which is definitely good. I kind of got swamped there for a while.

I am still fighting to the death with my Big Bang. I am at that point where I hate everything about the fic and am convinced it sucks. This happens pretty much with every long piece of work I have ever written, and I think it's not uncommon among writers and artists anyway. ;)

I have a bunch of medium-to-big writing projects due fairly soon. It's weird, but I've gotten a little stuck on writing long things lately. All the long fic I've posted was written a few months ago and simply finished and edited recently. The longest fic I've managed lately is maybe 3 or 4k. I don't know, it hasn't been a great couple of months, writing-wise. Hopefully things will pick up and I'll start feeling excited again about the whole writing thing. Right now everything I write feels like it's utter shit. Feh.
ratherastory: (Writing is Hard!)
I posted this elsewhere, so apologies to people seeing it twice.

Okay, so [livejournal.com profile] ratherastory has probably bitten off more than she can chew. No one is surprised. At least I'm aiming high, right?

So I have several large projects, all of which are due in the next six to eight weeks, in rough form. These range from a couple of 10k+ commitments to 15k+ commitments to three 20k+ commitments. Yeah, I know.

I've done a couple of balancing acts in the past, but never so many at once.

So here's my question. Has anyone here done this kind of thing before? How do you manage multiple large simultaneous projects? Do you have a system? Do you allocate specific amounts of time/whatever to each project every day? Work on whichever project strikes your fancy on a given day?

In short, what's your strategy? Do you have tips? Advice? Giant heaps of mockery because I have no self-control? ;)
ratherastory: (Writing is Hard!)
I posted this elsewhere, so apologies to people seeing it twice.

Okay, so [livejournal.com profile] ratherastory has probably bitten off more than she can chew. No one is surprised. At least I'm aiming high, right?

So I have several large projects, all of which are due in the next six to eight weeks, in rough form. These range from a couple of 10k+ commitments to 15k+ commitments to three 20k+ commitments. Yeah, I know.

I've done a couple of balancing acts in the past, but never so many at once.

So here's my question. Has anyone here done this kind of thing before? How do you manage multiple large simultaneous projects? Do you have a system? Do you allocate specific amounts of time/whatever to each project every day? Work on whichever project strikes your fancy on a given day?

In short, what's your strategy? Do you have tips? Advice? Giant heaps of mockery because I have no self-control? ;)
ratherastory: (As If)
Turns out I can't transfer my photo ops unless I don't go to the convention at all for JiB Con. I asked the staff to be sure, and got capslocked at for my pains. Seriously, who does that in official correspondence? I was courteous in my inquiry, and got a response that was bordering on rude, though I suppose some of that can be attributed to lack of familiarity with the English language.

There are courses and tutorials on how to be polite in official correspondence. I really wish more people would take them and take the lessons to heart.

I'm off to go find something else to do so I don't dwell on this and have it make my afternoon unpleasant.
ratherastory: (As If)
Turns out I can't transfer my photo ops unless I don't go to the convention at all for JiB Con. I asked the staff to be sure, and got capslocked at for my pains. Seriously, who does that in official correspondence? I was courteous in my inquiry, and got a response that was bordering on rude, though I suppose some of that can be attributed to lack of familiarity with the English language.

There are courses and tutorials on how to be polite in official correspondence. I really wish more people would take them and take the lessons to heart.

I'm off to go find something else to do so I don't dwell on this and have it make my afternoon unpleasant.
ratherastory: (You're Awesome)
Okay, it will surprise NO ONE that my inner child is, in fact, an eight-year-old girl with self-esteem issues. This is why I avoid feedback memes, anon memes, and love memes, and all the rest.

But today my eight-year-old self is feeling TOTALLY VALIDATED! I want a pony and stickers with rainbows and sparkles to go with my UNABASHED GLEE!

[livejournal.com profile] elsewhere_kels posted this, and people are saying nice things about me! \o/

I AM OFF TO BASK! SEE YOU IN A FEW YEARS!

I LOVE YOU ALL!
ratherastory: (You're Awesome)
Okay, it will surprise NO ONE that my inner child is, in fact, an eight-year-old girl with self-esteem issues. This is why I avoid feedback memes, anon memes, and love memes, and all the rest.

But today my eight-year-old self is feeling TOTALLY VALIDATED! I want a pony and stickers with rainbows and sparkles to go with my UNABASHED GLEE!

[livejournal.com profile] elsewhere_kels posted this, and people are saying nice things about me! \o/

I AM OFF TO BASK! SEE YOU IN A FEW YEARS!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Screw it.

Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:26 pm
ratherastory: (Is Writing Fanfic)
I am a day behind on NaNo, so I'm just going to be shameless and take a few hours to write a Fusion story. Those are easy.

*heads off to scribble something*


I'll be over here, crippling Dean if you need me.

Screw it.

Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:26 pm
ratherastory: (Is Writing Fanfic)
I am a day behind on NaNo, so I'm just going to be shameless and take a few hours to write a Fusion story. Those are easy.

*heads off to scribble something*


I'll be over here, crippling Dean if you need me.
ratherastory: (Drama)
Made the mistake of peeking at my BB thread on the anon meme, and am sort of... I dunno. "Depressed" is too strong a word, because so many lovely NON-anons have come around and given great feedback, a lot of it specific.

The anon meme, OTOH, seems to have had two responses to it. The first was "OMG I had the basic concept therefore the fic cannot be good and I'm not even going to bother!" And the second one was "But she never resolved the mystery!" And apart from one person who enjoyed it, the overall response was "meh."

Damned with faint praise, in short.

The sane part of me is telling me I shouldn't go read that thread at all. The not-so-sane part can't look away, and I keep having to tell myself to sit on my hands because I keep wanting to actually engage in discussion. Like, how resolving the "central mystery or gimmick" as they put it was so very much not the point of the fic, for instance. (One commenter accused me of trying to set up a "cracky spin-off.")

So much for my poor one-off exploration of the relationship between Cas and Dean. ;)

I read a few other reviews out of curiosity, and it really feels as though the anon meme reviewers are determined not to enjoy anything they read. "Damned with faint praise" seems to be the default mode.

There's an expression in French for that, which is "Bouder son plaisir." I'm not sure exactly how to translate that, except as the willful denying of pleasure to oneself. That is, even if you liked something (and I'm not saying the anons liked my story, it's just a theory based on my perception of maybe a dozen or so BB threads), you purposefully seek out the flaws in order to hand in a final verdict of "meh."

And of course, the REALLY paranoid part of me is having conniptions about my fic actually being really terrible and all my friends being too polite to tell me. Which I KNOW is BS, don't worry! It's not rational, and I'm actually very proud of the story. But MEEP!

Okay. I'm going to make breakfast, and try not to obsess. Today's project is the [livejournal.com profile] spn_reversebang. Wish me luck!


:::ETA:::

I am kind of weirded out that this post has now made it into that thread. It's my LJ, folks! I can bitch about authorial intent if I want to! What you do with it subsequently is your own affair, but I get to voice my opinions any way I want to! :P

/end random pseudo-rant

Further ETA, behind a cut because it's 3am, I'm cranky and thus I'm being petty )
ratherastory: (Drama)
I just cross-posted a fic for the first time in months. Cross-posting takes forever, and since I'm relatively prolific I'm always worried I'm spamming communities and that people are just rolling their eyes and going "Oh, God, not HER again!"

Yes, neurotic, I know.

It's also time-consuming, as I mentioned. Ten minutes on average per community, because they all have their own posting templates, even if I let myself play fast and loose with the ones that aren't as draconian about their guidelines. So given the number of communities I tend to post to, it can take up to an hour to cross-post everything.

Or else I try to cross-post over the course of a few days, and THEN I forget which comms I posted to and spend even more time double-checking to make sure I'm not posting to the same comm twice, and GAH.

I know some of you, dear flist, cross-post a good deal. Do you have a trick for it? Or do I just have to suck it up and deal?

In short, I hate cross-posting. Meow.
ratherastory: (Drama)
I just cross-posted a fic for the first time in months. Cross-posting takes forever, and since I'm relatively prolific I'm always worried I'm spamming communities and that people are just rolling their eyes and going "Oh, God, not HER again!"

Yes, neurotic, I know.

It's also time-consuming, as I mentioned. Ten minutes on average per community, because they all have their own posting templates, even if I let myself play fast and loose with the ones that aren't as draconian about their guidelines. So given the number of communities I tend to post to, it can take up to an hour to cross-post everything.

Or else I try to cross-post over the course of a few days, and THEN I forget which comms I posted to and spend even more time double-checking to make sure I'm not posting to the same comm twice, and GAH.

I know some of you, dear flist, cross-post a good deal. Do you have a trick for it? Or do I just have to suck it up and deal?

In short, I hate cross-posting. Meow.
ratherastory: (Assembly)
Got my submission in for LAS just under the wire (since I have to leave in an hour). I wasn't especially inspired by the prompt, so I'm hoping that won't get me voted out of this round. Then again, even if my admittedly fragile writer's ego would take a blow, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise if I was voted out. I am clearly not mature enough to handle these "competitions" like a grown-up. :P

Anyway, I'm sure you've ALL heard/seen about LJ's new BFF policy with Facebook and Twitter. I would very much appreciate it if you'd all show me the courtesy of not reposting my content anywhere without my express permission. I'm sure you are all awesome and weren't planning on it, but this is a preemptive measure.

I don't have that many tags with "/" as a character, but I do hope LJ fixes that bug soon. It's a pain for the comms I'm in.
ratherastory: (Assembly)
Got my submission in for LAS just under the wire (since I have to leave in an hour). I wasn't especially inspired by the prompt, so I'm hoping that won't get me voted out of this round. Then again, even if my admittedly fragile writer's ego would take a blow, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise if I was voted out. I am clearly not mature enough to handle these "competitions" like a grown-up. :P

Anyway, I'm sure you've ALL heard/seen about LJ's new BFF policy with Facebook and Twitter. I would very much appreciate it if you'd all show me the courtesy of not reposting my content anywhere without my express permission. I'm sure you are all awesome and weren't planning on it, but this is a preemptive measure.

I don't have that many tags with "/" as a character, but I do hope LJ fixes that bug soon. It's a pain for the comms I'm in.

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