But in correctly done BDSM, there is no consent issue, and the sub is the one with all the power.
Now, that's not to say that people don't label dub-con and non-con as BDSM. And I think that some people think that BSDM is dub/non con because in that situation no doesn't mean no. The safe word/safe motion they agree on ahead of time means no, and everything else means yes. But if you don't understand that was what was agreed on ahead of time, then the perception of it being dub/non con is there.
The issue, I think, with BDSM is that unless you're into it in real life, it's hard to understand. I was friends with people who were into it, and I'm friends with an author who wrote a very well researched novel that featured it (and she talked to people who were into it while writing it), so I feel as though I understand it a little better than a lot of people who aren't into it, but it's a very tricky area.
However, I can say with utter certainty that the people who are into BDSM in real life do not like the labeling of dub/non con as BDSM and the improper portrayals of BDSM any more than those of us who don't like dubious or non-consensual stories do, because it hurts them.
no subject
Now, that's not to say that people don't label dub-con and non-con as BDSM. And I think that some people think that BSDM is dub/non con because in that situation no doesn't mean no. The safe word/safe motion they agree on ahead of time means no, and everything else means yes. But if you don't understand that was what was agreed on ahead of time, then the perception of it being dub/non con is there.
The issue, I think, with BDSM is that unless you're into it in real life, it's hard to understand. I was friends with people who were into it, and I'm friends with an author who wrote a very well researched novel that featured it (and she talked to people who were into it while writing it), so I feel as though I understand it a little better than a lot of people who aren't into it, but it's a very tricky area.
However, I can say with utter certainty that the people who are into BDSM in real life do not like the labeling of dub/non con as BDSM and the improper portrayals of BDSM any more than those of us who don't like dubious or non-consensual stories do, because it hurts them.