What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[pkwench.livejournal.com]

I shall return to this later post bath, but two things:

- You're just like my favorite LJer today. Seriously, you're killing me.

- I'm sure I'll get it from a few people, but I think the entire Twilight saga should come with a massive self-insertion by way of MarySue tag. LOL Also, if one were to warn for glitter? Oh, yes. Indeed.

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

Hee! Stephenie Meyer.

WARNING: Purple prose, weak-willed heroine, and SPARKLES. Like diamonds in the sunlight, people, you HAVE BEEN WARNED.