What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[pkwench.livejournal.com]

Romeo and Juliet - Warning: Character death.

I can see people throwing onions and cabbages now because Will didn't warn anyone about that first.

[dante-s-hell.livejournal.com]

Lol! In fact, he did tell the audience what the whole play was about in the Prologue.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life. . . .

In his day, he had to do that because it was more about hearing a play then seeing one.

Go Will!


But, you know, I totally get that warning can diminish the impact of the story especially when things don't really appear as they seem.

[pkwench.livejournal.com]

*LOL* Can you tell how long it's been since I've read anything of import? It's amazing that I didn't even remember that. I'll have to make it a point to make sure that my book/play/story selection is well rounded when I recommence with reading in 2011. *G*

[dante-s-hell.livejournal.com]

What's the saying? So much to read, so little time.

Good luck!