What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[smilla02.livejournal.com]

I know people that are triggered when they read certain stuff and that makes me iper-sensitive to it; I try to at least give an idea of what the story is about because it would make me feel awful knowing that someone has been triggered by something I have written. People react differently to fanfiction than to profiction - I know I do due to the greater attachment I have to the characters. I haven't read a fic yet that I know will be splendid because I fear that it will depress me too much.
On the other hand, there's always the option 'chose not to warn' which will make readers with triggers thread carefully. Or a general warnings post you could send your potential readers to where you say what they can expect in general in your stories.