What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

And dramatic irony! Let's not forget the dramatic irony.

"By the way, did you know that I am STILL EVIL?"

:D

\o/

You rock. :D

[calamitycrow.livejournal.com]

see what you started?

Gone With the Wind:

Warning! Contains het and references to war and slavery that may squick some readers. Also contains character death, some profanity, and it may take the heroine more than twenty pages to put clothes on. Preslash between Charles and Ashley if you squint closely.

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

Bwahah! I love you, SO HARD.

This is exactly what I wanted to start, so I'm glad some people have caught on! :D

[little-tristan.livejournal.com]

Preslash between Charles and Ashley if you squint closely.

I'm so dying here.:)

[calamitycrow.livejournal.com]

(grins) which means u need to come play with us!

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee! That's awesome. :D