What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

Not a favorite author so much

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

.... but warnings are needed.....

Warning: **Excessive** use of description to carry the narrative forward. Length is not conducive to catching up at work. Updates only released once every two years *GASP* or so. Oh and deaths abound, but then the writer dies, too, without finishing the story. Apparently, the Beta has all necessary information...

Hmmmm, tempted to let people guess who? :-)

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

BWAH!

If I didn't already love you, I totally would now. :D

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

Awww, Story, I had no idea.

I'm assuming, therefore, that you have a small clue who I'm referring to here?

Let's keep it between us, shall we?? :-) See who else gets it?

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

*glomps you*

I totally know who you're talking about. I want to see who else gets it. :D

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[paleogymnast.livejournal.com]

Calamitycrow pointed me over to this lovely thread, and now I'm all curious, because when I think of authors dying with unfinished works, I primarily think of: 1) Charles Dickens, 2) Frank Herbert. And that probably tells a lot about me. Alas, I don't think either of those authors fits your description, so I'm all curious. *sigh*

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

This one is a famous fantasy author who passed away recently, leaving all his fans wailing and gnashing their teeth and tearing their clothes.

(Robert Jordan)

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[calamitycrow.livejournal.com]

(headdesk) I didn't even know he'd died. Wow. Shows how much I pay attention to modern writers.

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

Apparently, his Beta (ie lovely wife, who's been ghosting with him for the last few anyway 'cause he was pretty sick towards the end) has all the notes for the last one. She and his son(?? rumour here at best) are supposed to be teaming up.

OK so half this screen is cut off and I have no idea if there be typos. Sorry!!!

Re: Not a favorite author so much

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

*disgusted gasp* You weren't supposed to say anything??!!

LOL!!!