What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[calamitycrow.livejournal.com]

Somebody stop me, plz!

Cat in the Hat

Warning: this book contains excessive use of the same 200 (give or take) words and gratuitous quantities of doggerel. Also contains blatant abuse of a goldfish. This author in no way endorses leaving small children in the care of pets--even pets who are properly attired.

A/N: Click here (http://ratherastory.livejournal.com/31730.html) for Theo_Seuss' Thing 1 and Thing 2 Bigbang fic. Warning! Contains bdsm and breathplay. Art is NWS.

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

No no, keep going!

I will have to check that out. Thanks for the link!