What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[paleogymnast.livejournal.com]

Not one of my favorite authors, but Kevin J. Anderson's books should come with a warning to the effect of:

WARNING: Character Death. Planetary explosion and anihilation. More Character Death. Character Death by the Billions, but you won't care about it, because I act like it happens so often, it's no big deal. Angst. Spirit plane walking. Dismemberment. More Character Death. (Oh, and don't get too attached to anything, because if I get bored when I'm writing the sequel, I'll just blow up another planet to keep things interesting.)

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

Sounds like a fun guy. Haven't read any of his work, though.