What if "real" authors had to post warnings?

[ratherastory]

So pkwench and hansons_angel and I started a thread in my previous post about the fanfiction convention of posting warnings before a fic. Y'know, character death, who tops (or whatever), gore, torture, sex, blah blah blah.

Then we thought, what if professional mainstream authors had to post warnings on their books? pkwench mentioned Lovecraft, and suddenly this popped into my head:

WARNING: Excessive use of non-Euclidean geometry. May cause madness upon completion. Things Man Was Not Meant To Know™. Also, purple prose. Caveat emptor.

So I'm curious now, dear flist. If you feel like it, why don't you post what YOU think would be the warnings posted by your favourite authors? Come on, you know you want to!

Comments

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

Texas?? Oh darn.... *waves back*

And yea!! to new friends!!!

And a pretty decent excuse to visit Texas if ever it's needed!! :-) LOL!!

[calamitycrow.livejournal.com]

oh hai Sasha!

And yes, Texas is a great place - bbq and tex-mex and salsa and tex-mex. You should definitely send your human this way!