It really is like a train wreck...

[ratherastory]

Made the mistake of peeking at my BB thread on the anon meme, and am sort of... I dunno. "Depressed" is too strong a word, because so many lovely NON-anons have come around and given great feedback, a lot of it specific.

The anon meme, OTOH, seems to have had two responses to it. The first was "OMG I had the basic concept therefore the fic cannot be good and I'm not even going to bother!" And the second one was "But she never resolved the mystery!" And apart from one person who enjoyed it, the overall response was "meh."

Damned with faint praise, in short.

The sane part of me is telling me I shouldn't go read that thread at all. The not-so-sane part can't look away, and I keep having to tell myself to sit on my hands because I keep wanting to actually engage in discussion. Like, how resolving the "central mystery or gimmick" as they put it was so very much not the point of the fic, for instance. (One commenter accused me of trying to set up a "cracky spin-off.")

So much for my poor one-off exploration of the relationship between Cas and Dean. ;)

I read a few other reviews out of curiosity, and it really feels as though the anon meme reviewers are determined not to enjoy anything they read. "Damned with faint praise" seems to be the default mode.

There's an expression in French for that, which is "Bouder son plaisir." I'm not sure exactly how to translate that, except as the willful denying of pleasure to oneself. That is, even if you liked something (and I'm not saying the anons liked my story, it's just a theory based on my perception of maybe a dozen or so BB threads), you purposefully seek out the flaws in order to hand in a final verdict of "meh."

And of course, the REALLY paranoid part of me is having conniptions about my fic actually being really terrible and all my friends being too polite to tell me. Which I KNOW is BS, don't worry! It's not rational, and I'm actually very proud of the story. But MEEP!

Okay. I'm going to make breakfast, and try not to obsess. Today's project is the spn_reversebang. Wish me luck!


:::ETA:::

I am kind of weirded out that this post has now made it into that thread. It's my LJ, folks! I can bitch about authorial intent if I want to! What you do with it subsequently is your own affair, but I get to voice my opinions any way I want to! :P

/end random pseudo-rant

:::FURTHER ETA:::

JFC, anon-meme! Am I supposed to apologize for having an opinion now? Aww, poor meme doesn't like it that I was unthrilled with their honest opinions about my fic. I don't like the word "butthurt" for many reasons, but it does spring to mind, especially since it seems to be a favourite of yours. :P

Apparently my posts like these foster anti-anon-meme sentiments. Oh noes! Because I'm sure people wouldn't have these opinions if I didn't post first. *snort* I think you overestimate my ability to influence people, there.

I will HAPPILY cop to the fact that I do enjoy the head-pats and virtual cookies I get about my fic when I post. I am a comment-whore when it comes to my fic and have never made a secret of it. Neurotic? Me? Why, yes. I do like to think that I'm at least a wee bit entertaining about it. Maybe not in this particular post, but in others.

I'd like to point out that nowhere in this post did I rend my clothes, gnash my teeth and wail that the anon-meme was meeeeeaaaan to me. I just said that I was disappointed at what I perceived to be an overwhelmingly indifferent response to my fic (admittedly, there are apparently more positive comments later on that I didn't see). I really don't think that's so very terrible of me. No author wants to be thought of as "meh," do they? It turns out that "meh" is equivalent to a positive signed comment elsewhere, but since I'm not a frequent visitor to the meme, I was unaware of this subtle aspect to the art of being an anonymous commenter. I'm not sure I'm going to thank anyone for that, mind you.

Beyond that? My LJ, meme. I can post what I want (within the TOS, obviously), and if other people choose to air anti-meme sentiments within the post, that's not my doing.

I'm probably going to regret this edit later on, but whatever. Early-morning posting is second only to drunken-posting for later regrets, right?

Comments

[maychorian.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean, and I'm sorry you feel hurt. ::hugs:: I'm in the middle of reading your fic right now and I LOVE it, for what it's worth.

I do believe that the anon meme has a right to exist, and fans there have a right to discuss what they want, in the way they want. I don't participate there, but I do read it now and then, and mostly it's just fans being fans: bitching about the show, arguing about the characterization, dreading or squealing about spoilers, and so on. It's just a lot of blah blah blah, and for the most part there's nothing even that mean about it. (Though anonymity DOES give people the opportunity to be as cruel as they want, and some do take that opportunity for all it's worth.) On the whole, though, I don't understand the hate for it. It's just a fan place. And a lot of good has come out of it too.

Even the Big Bang threads... Yes, there's been a lot of bitchiness there, but I think it's good for readers to have a place to discuss how they really feel about fanworks, instead of feeling like they have to be positive or hide what they think. But... But, still.

I read the thread about my Big Bang (Coming Down on a Sunny Day), and it hurt me. Even though it wasn't really that critical, on the whole. Even though some people said they liked it, and other people gave reasons for why they didn't. On average, as you said, the reaction seemed to be "meh." And that bothered me. Because I worked so hard on that story, for so long, and I loved it so much. And it hurt to know that there were people out there who didn't like it, or didn't give it a chance because of the way I split up the chapters, or other stupid things like that, or just didn't care. It just...

Objectively, you know that there are going to be people who don't like what you write. OF COURSE. I mean, not everyone in fandom flocks to read gen AU Jimmy-centric kidfic. Duh. It's not everyone's cup of tea, and it's definitely NOT a lot of people's cup of tea. (Un-cup of tea? Un-tea? Whatever.) But when I stay in my own little corner, with my own happy little flist who loves me, it's easy not to think about that, not to acknowledge that. Plenty of people like what I do, and those who don't aren't even on my radar. So going outside my happy corner and running into that... Yeah, it hurts. Like hitting your head into a wall you didn't realize was quite so close. You knew it was there, and you thought you had time to get out of the way, but actually, no, you ran right into it at full speed.

And I'll be honest enough to admit that my hurt feelings did contribute to my loss of interest in fandom over the summer, along with my health problems and my general dissatisfaction with canon. I know I'm too sensitive, too thin-skinned, and I need to get over that. I know this is my problem, not the anons'. Still. It's hard to control the way you feel. Impossible, as a matter of fact.

And I can't help still being interested in what people are saying about me, even when I know it will probably hurt my tender little snowflake feelings. When I posted my minibang fic, I read the thread for that, too, even though I knew I shouldn't. (Again, some positive reviews, but mostly folks just didn't seem interested, and that hurts too.) If there's a thread about my reverse bang story, I probably won't be able to keep from reading that one too.

So... I guess I don't have any answers for you. But I want you to know that I understand exactly what you're saying and how you're feeling, and I wish you only the best. ♥ You're a fantastic writer, and I'm very glad you're in this fandom.

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you!

And yes, mostly I realize that I am being a special snowflake and getting my feelings hurt over not very much.

I figure, though, if I can't bitch about it in my own LJ, then where? ;)