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Not dead.

I've been writing a bit. Nothing ready to post, but it's nice to get back into the habit of putting fingers to keyboard for something other than work and Twitter. I even managed to get some writing done while I was at home last week, which is a first. It wasn't much, but it was something, and I'll take it.

I even had a wee plot bunny for this season of SPN, which hasn't happened to me since Season 7. I am having trouble with the current canon, and even more of a problem with fandom's reactions to current canon. There is so. much. Sam-bashing. To the point where I, once again, have found myself scratching my head and wondering if people are watching the same show as me. Granted, the writing has been sub-par for a while, and I don't think the writers are hitting the emotional beats that they're aiming for. They've hit the target, but more like the outer rings than the bullseye. They're not even close to centre target, alas. So that probably accounts for some of it.

The point being, I have been keeping away from fandom, because my psychological make-up is such that I find this sort of thing profoundly upsetting. (I just want everyone to get along, okay?) I have been avoiding meta posts, even by authors I know are generally pretty balanced in their view, or at least take the time to explore what's going on (rather than pick a "side," whether it be pro-Dean or pro-Sam, and for the record I find Dean-bashing just as upsetting as Sam-bashing, because I'm a Sam!girl and it hurts my soul when people say mean things about Sam's brother). I am unwilling to take the risk that the comments in those posts will end up upsetting me due to their content.

This sort of thing negatively impacts my enjoyment of the show, in a significant way. I'm no longer as emotionally invested in the show as I was when I watched the first five seasons. After the main 5-year arc ended, my investment waned little by little, until now SPN is a show I love to watch, but it's not the show of my heart anymore. I haven't replaced it with another, mind you. I've just spread myself out a little, fandom-wise, and dabble a little in a few places. But I resent anything that makes me not want to watch SPN, and comments about how awful one of the boys is, or how 'shitty' an episode was, make me reluctant to watch, especially as I'm always at least a day or so behind, often more, due to work and life stuff.

Long story short, I have deliberately stopped any dialogue with fandom, in order to preserve my sanity and my enjoyment of the show, such as it is. That's where I'm at. But at least I'm writing again, and exploring other fandoms while I'm at it.

Note: This is NOT an invitation to discuss any kind of meta in the comments. I will delete any such comments with extreme prejudice and, if I must, lock down comments on the entry entirely. Don't make me do that, okay? Thanks.

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I feel you. After the drama that was H50 fandom a while back I've taken to separating myself from much in the way of discussion and meta in any of my fandoms and am only consuming the fanworks. I want to be happy and share the love not be bombarded with negative so I keep discussion to places that are safe for me, mostly my journal or emails with friends.

I also hear you about spreading out fandom-wise. I seem to have my fingers in a lot of pots but not enough all consuming obsession to really get the writing juices flowing the way they used to. Hopefully I can still get some words out soon. I hope you do too! :D

I seem to have my fingers in a lot of pots but not enough all consuming obsession to really get the writing juices flowing the way they used to.

This, exactly. Nothing has turned my crank like SPN did back in its glory days, alas. But I would like to get something done! I have so many half-baked ideas and half-finished stories languishing on my hard drive these days...

I've felt that way since season 6 when all the 'picking sides' business just got too much and right now I'm at the point where I'm starting to de-friend/unfollow fellow SPN fans on various social network sites because I simply can't stand it anymore.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I for one am apparently one of the very few people who is really enjoying season 9 (and I'm also always at least a day behind; usually it's more like a week or so) and every time I'm like "Oh I liked that!", all I see around me are people saying who is an awful brother and what storyline sucks :/

I can really understand how that would affect your writing. It'd kill all my inspiration as well.

((((HUG)))) Thank you.

You hit the nail on the head and that's basically where I am, too.

A lot of people seem to be in that boat.

I wonder if it's possible to form a small community for discussion and encouragement but no drama/negativity? I know I've been dying to process with people who care about the show, but I really really REALLY don't want to deal with sides/meta/excessive or unthoughtful negativity. Ratherastory, I have missed your SPN fics so so so much...so many dean also sam in-character authors have stopped actively writing, and if a positive, supportive safe-zone discussion group would help, then by god I volunteer to administer.

I've been disappointed in the drama too. And even when you read a completely balanced review or meta, there are often ridiculously one-sided comments, so you really can't escape it.

Exactly. The comments are usually what gets me in otherwise balanced meta, and they go so far overboard that they end up ruining the nice, balanced meta.

Thank you and well put! I'm just glad that you got a plot bunny that's going on in your head and I'm looking forward to being able to reap the benefits of the bunny! Yeah!

I started writing it, but I don't know if it will pan out. I'll keep people posted. :)

I hear ya! I've been out of the fandom for years! Which sucks because I still love Supernatural. There are very very few people I have to discuss the show with even in real life.

Yeah. Luckily my girlfriend still watches it, so when I'm home we watch it together and discuss it then. Her views and reactions are usually similar to mine, but different enough that we can have an interesting conversation about it.

I am glad that your muse has returned

I kind of understand how you feel - all the stuff going on does spoil people's enjoyment of a show.

It is always good to experience new shows etc.,

M

Yep. I've been multi-fandom for quite a while now, and I've found that wank in any fandom tends to affect my enjoyment of the show, but nowhere is quite as pronounced as SPN.

I feel kind of the same way about Supernatural, although a bit in reverse. I realized that my fondness for fandom was keeping me watching a show I wasn't really enjoying any more. So I kept the flist and dumped the show, hah. ;) (I don't hate it or anything, I'm just not invested and have mostly moved on to other things). Have you seen Sleepy Hollow? It's definitely hitting me in the same places SPN used to. for me. (Although my brain keeps sneakily suggesting that a Jenny/Dean crossover would be the cure for all that ails me.)

I love my flist, I do. I love chatting with them about pretty much everything except SPN. Mostly I'm hanging out on Twitter these days, though. It seems a little safer there, because there's less room for truly awful meta/comments, and I can screen the awfulness much more easily there.

Not dead -- hurray!!

A resounding ditto on the fandom content. I'm still watching the show with a level of investment that no other show reaches for me, but I've been staying away from any reaction posts or meta lately, because I'm like you. Some people feel better to vent and hash and some people like to examine all sides, and everyone has every right to do either... but personally, I find the drama (sometimes especially in the comments to posts) makes me feel worse about the show, and I don't want to feel bad. So -- ditto!

I'm so glad you're writing!

Exactly. I'm not here to police people's reactions, because they can feel however they want to feel, but I can choose not to read said reactions. It's my brain, I decide what content goes into it.

Yep. That pretty much sums up my feelings too!

A lot of people seem to feel this way! Makes me wonder where all the other stuff is coming from. ;)

I can't seem to survive in fandom without metaing, but at this point I think I'm avoiding my own reaction posts.

I'm just glad we're on hiatus. Some level of wank there will always be, but I'm hoping that the absolutely insane levels it reached the last couple of weeks will die down and it will be safer to wade around in the fandom. I'll put myself in show solitary confinement if it's necessary for my sanity, but it's more fun for me when it can be interactive without being WAR.

I miss reading your meta posts, because they have always been my favourites. I'm just not willing to take the risk of finding really upsetting comments in there, alas. And I know, people keep telling me that the comments are fine, but with my luck the one time I'll go read there will be people saying awful things and then I will want to cry. :P

I'm guessing the wank will continue until the season is over, and then it'll die down over summer hiatus. That's how it seems to work.

I've been staying completely fray-adjacent and only indulging in picspam posts. I'm... older, certainly, than a lot of fandom and so I think my interpretation is coming from a very different place. And most of the yelling and all of the absolutism just makes me tired... plus, I very much suspect this will be my last TV fandom, and I'm not ready to give it up just yet, which I'd have to if I thought "picking a side" or hating the show's only characters was what I had to do!

A lot of us in fandom are "older," for variable definitions thereof, and I've noticed that the older fans tend (tend, mind you!) to be less inclined to wank and more inclined to trying to examine the show from a more balanced viewpoint. Alas, that doesn't mean everyone around them will do the same, hence my steering clear of it all.

How come you think it'll be your last TV fandom? I'm curious.

Couple things, really. I'll preface this by saying that I've always taken a fannish approach to the books I loved but I didn't find find fandom, and more importantly, the fic community, until Buffy. What happened at that point was that I mostly stopped reading novels, or at least, reading them in a fannish way - all that mental energy got transferred to reading/writing fic.

I will never read books that way again, I'm pretty sure - I'm pretty much on a straight nonfiction diet these days. What's happening with TV, though, is that *until* Buffy, I'd never really engaged with characters on TV shows or in movies. I never watch TV without doing 2-3 other things, first of all, and so I rarely even figure out that the characters have names, never mind character arcs. So there's that.

But the biggest thing, I think, is that (age again, I know) I'm just not interested in young people stuff anymore. Coming of age, first love/first heartbreak/the manhood quests/the babies - none of it interests me, at all. And honestly, I'm getting so that all the people on TV shows have started to sound so much alike that even if the casting director *hasn't* put all white faces into a show, they're all 20-something snappy-prose generators, and I can't track who's who. Nor, largely, do I care.

Don't get me wrong - there are ~~plenty of~~ several shows I thoroughly enjoy watching, but with them, I'm happy with the show I see on screen and uninterested in exploring further from the perspective of the characters themselves. So I won't say never, obviously, but when SPN is over, that'll likely be it.

I'm glad you're still around, bb, and still writing! (I was beginning to fear that you'd left us.)

I am having trouble with the current canon, and even more of a problem with fandom's reactions to current canon.

This. S9 canon has been difficult enough -- I'm not up to dealing with fangirl shenanigans and since recent events have taken several steps back from fandom-at-large to concentrate my energies on Show and fanworks.

It has been really distressing to watch my flist and see the emotional toll this season and all the wank have taken on so many folks. I don't really know anyone here other than as written voices of people I have come to care for quite a bit but to see anyone hurt, particularly by something that is supposed to be fun, has been really upsetting. People are pulling back left and right. I'm glad you're still writing even if it doesn't turn out to be SPN related in the long run. I hope you find inspiration somewhere and continue to have fun with it.

I feel the same way really. I've been rewatching the early seasons along with Mark Oshiro over on his site, and it's only in so doing that I've realized how much my passion/love has waned. I mean, I still love the show, but I have to admit that there's been something missing since S5 and I think it's as you say - they're still aiming for the emotional target, but it's hitting the outer edges rather than dead centre.

It's also much much harder to write fic these days, I find - or, at least, the kind of fic I write, which is always canon based. I'm never quite sure what is going on, or things are just a little too complicated for me to weave my own story into the narrative. So, I've mostly been writing fic for other fandoms, when I do write.

I've also basically been avoiding all SPN related blogs lately too, for the same reasons as you - and also because of the waning passion.

I'm really enjoying Teen Wolf these days - it has it's problems too, of course, in the show and in fandom... and I don't love it as much as I used to love SPN, but it's close! (I DO want to timeline it, which is usually a sign that I'm a little bit in love with a show.) But yeah, I've basically turned my tumblr into a 80% Teen Wolf blog, while my LJ stays dedicated to SPN, but features less posts than I used to have in the past.

Happy to hear you are writing, and excited. I too have not written much of late but have a tiny plot bunny playing with me and I hope I have time to develop it. I'm a PollyAnna sort and love my Sammy and by extension Dean so I get you! :)

This is exactly why I no longer participate in fandom in general. I used to enjoy meta immensely. Unfortunately I cannot take the bickering and in=fighting. It took all the joy out of the experience for me. So. I just stick to my littlecrevice in the rock of SPN fandom and talk to people who dont bite.

It's good to hear you are writing again. There is nothing quite like the payoff you get from getting words on papaer.

It's strange. I really got into fanfic because of "Supernatural", but I've never joined any groups about the show; it never even occurred to me. In fact, I don't think I did more than just read and comment on fanfic until "Glee", and then it escalated with "Hawaii 5-0". Both of those shows have been around long enough to polarize people, firmly placing them in certain camps. The problem is that those camps don't always play nice with each other. I've managed to find my little, happy corner of each world where others who agree with my point of view yet aren't rude to other points of view have gathered. I don't know if "Supernatural" has a corner like that, but I hope so.

If joining these groups lessens your enjoyment of a show, then it makes total sense to stay away from them. You don't owe anyone in any fandoms anything, certainly not more than you owe yourself.

Good for you for writing again! Last year I wasn't as productive in my output as I liked, so I joined GYWO (Get Your Words Out) and committed to writing 300,000 words this year. Now I'm panicking, but it's a productive kind of panic. :-)

I'm in the same boat with Supernatural. I don't NEED the fanfiction or the fandom anymore, but I still like the people I met, so I do pay attention to their posts. Most of them have moved on with their lives, however. Sigh.

I know, right! The entire ordeal makes me want to isolate myself for undetermined amounts of time. Haters are the worst. It's like, I still love SPN, and I always will, but then I look at the internet and I just get really disappointed with humanity.
And hey, if you're stuck, you do what you want to do. No one should be able to change your opinions - especially haters. I think it's awesome that you're dabbling in some other fandoms! I certainly do when the hate gets too much. It's refreshing to just have a change in direction every once in a while.

Thank you so much for posting this, I think it sums up what a lot of people are feeling, it's certainly how I feel. The drama and bashing has juts become beyond exhausting. Supernatual and fandom should be safe, happy places and right now they're not.

If I'm honest my interest in the show is really dwindling, I haven't been a fan of the storylines for a while now and I do agree the quality of writing isn't there any more, I'm not even watching it now which is really sad because I've loved this show so much, and fandom has helped me through some really tough RL times, but now...

I still love J2 fic and Wincest fic, those are my havens. But dialogue about the show, about the actors, the moaning, bitching and as you said the sheer amount of Sam hate is absolutely heart breaking. I hate character hating on any level, but it's as if Sam - and sometimes even Jared is a personal affront to people, and they did heinous things, I don't understand it. I am a Sam girl, but I adored Dean too. I don't understand why someone would watch a show when they hate one half of the central cast so much, it makes no sense.

I'm dipping my toes to other areas to, I love J2 and Wincest, I don't plan on leaving but the fandom but you sum so well what I feel about Supernatural, it's great to hear that I'm not alone!

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