ratherastory: (Nicely-bandied word)
ratherastory ([personal profile] ratherastory) wrote2010-09-19 10:02 pm

A Thousand Words

Title: A Thousand Words
Prompt/Summary: Written for the third challenge of Round 1 at [livejournal.com profile] spn_las. The prompt was: Who knew an Impala could fly?
Characters: Lucas Barr
Rating: G
Wordcount: ~800
Disclaimer: It occurred to me that my belief that it all belongs to me might, in fact, be erroneous when Sera threw that holy water at me...
Warnings: None
Neurotic Author's Note #1: I am actually quite proud of this ficlet. I wasn't really inspired by the prompt at first, and so coming up with a new and interesting way in which to interpret it proved to be quite the challenge.
Neurotic Author's Note #2: I am also of the opinion that SPN's secondary characters sometimes get a bit neglected. I'm going to try to fix that.




Lucas likes to draw. He never did before, but he likes it now. Green army men line the edge of the table, stand guard while he pulls a red crayon carefully from the box. The other boys at school are rough with their crayons, pressing so hard the tips go dull, or the whole crayon snaps in half. Lucas likes his crayons to stay sharp, and so he turns them around as he colours, keeping the tip pointy. Mom says she's going to buy him the biggest box of crayons in the whole store, thirty-six different colours.

Pictures are the only thing that make sense in his life now. He likes the straight lines, the bright colours. He dreams about the boy in the lake, hears his whispers all day and all night. Come play with me... The boy in the lake took his Daddy, wants to take him too. Fear sits heavy on Lucas' chest, making it hard to breathe, making it impossible to speak. He sits on the floor in his room and draws swirling pictures of the boy's home, the black whirlpool at the bottom of the lake. Lucas doesn't like those drawings. The boy in the lake has a shiny red bicycle and a pretty house, and so he draws those instead. Sometimes he gets the feeling that the boy likes it when he draws those things, like they remind him of when he used to be happy and had friends to play with.

He draws a picture for the tall man who comes to sit with him. He's big and strong, younger than Lucas' Daddy, but still old. He sits with Lucas and draws a picture of his own family, of his little brother Sammy who's taller than he is now and who's being nice to his Mom. It's polite to give a picture back when someone draws you a picture ―Mrs. Merritt from kindergarten taught them that― and he likes the man. Dean. No one's ever sat down to draw with him before, not even Mom, although she always gives him as much paper and as many crayons as he wants. Dean tells him about his own Mom, crouching next to him, and Lucas finds it hard to believe that a guy as big and strong as Dean isn't always brave. But he listens, and when Dean asks him to help, he wants to. He wants to help, because if he helps then he won't have to be afraid anymore.

The boy in the lake calls to him, pulls him into the water. It's only cold for a minute, and then the boy is gone, and so is Grampa, and Mom is crying and hugging him, and he can taste silt and lake water on his tongue. The boy in the lake is gone, and the terror has gone with him. Lucas whispers all the things in Mom's ear that he's wanted to say, and she smiles and laughs even though she's sad about Daddy and Grampa, and for now it's enough.

Long after Dean has gone, taking his Sammy with him, Lucas still thinks about him. He still draws pictures of the lake, of big men diving in and saving people who are drowning there. One day he pulls out his black crayon, the one most worn down by use, when he was still trying to draw the boy's home at the bottom of the lake. The tip is still sharp, which is good, because he needs it sharp to draw the precise lines of the big black car. He spends a long time on the picture, because it needs to be just exactly right. The green army men watch from the crow's nest on the windowsill in his room. When he's done, Mom pins the picture up on the refrigerator and steps back to admire it.

"I never knew Sam and Dean's car could fly," she says with a small smile.

Lucas just shrugs, and doesn't bother correcting her. She'll be happier if she never knows how fast they're really falling.

[identity profile] tifaching.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
Your cut is messed up!

Now on to more important matters. I have to admit I didn't vote this round. I was on vacation and just getting my story written and posted took up all the time I wanted to spend on a computer. I managed to read all the stories after I got home this afternoon and if I HAD voted, your story would have had an extra vote. This was amazing. I loved the outside perspective from Lucas and that last line was a killer. Great job!

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
Fixed now! And thank you so much. I really liked that episode of SPN: Lucas and Andrea and the sherriff were particularly compelling characters for me, so I had fun exploring it all with an outsider POV.

[identity profile] reading1066.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
This very nice. I love the little boy voice of Lucas - young, but also so perceptive. I like this particularly, "Lucas whispers all the things in Mom's ear that he's wanted to say, and she smiles and laughs even though she's sad about Dady and Grampa, and for now it's enough."

I can see why you're proud of it. :)

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
*beams*

Thank you! For some reason writing small children is both easy and hard if you want to do it justice.

I'm glad you liked it!
Edited 2010-09-20 02:48 (UTC)

[identity profile] glimmerella.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
I chose this one as my favorite, so you'll get it emailed to you.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:55 am (UTC)(link)
*bounce*

Thanks! It's much appreciated!

[identity profile] claudiapriscus.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:03 am (UTC)(link)
You should be proud! This is marvelous.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I am quite pleased with how it turned out.

[identity profile] idc-chan.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
I also voted for yours. :) I loved your Lucas, and I loved how you used the prompt. You have every reason to be proud of this one, it was incredibly well done. The end packs a wonderful emotional punch and I loved the description of the crayons in the beginning. The title was perfect as well.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:29 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! :)

There were so many great stories this time around, I feel I'm in very good company.

[identity profile] harrigan.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
♥ ♥ ♥ !

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
♥ ♥ ♥ right back at you!

[identity profile] debbiel66.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
I loved this!

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

Always nice to hear. :)

[identity profile] borgmama1of5.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
Damn last line! Was all set for upbeat and then you reversed it so fast! Which actually was quite a feat, but still...

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 05:09 am (UTC)(link)
Apparently I have an unwritten rule that all SPN fics must contain at least some angst. ;)

Glad you liked it!
ext_14783: girl underwater (SPN - boys and Impala)

[identity profile] lavinialavender.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
The tip is still sharp, which is good, because he needs it sharp to draw the precise lines of the big black car.
Aw!

Last line HURTS, though. D:

Very nice piece for a minor character, though.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:31 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! :)

The last line kind of was a killer, but it was the only way I could work a flying Impala into the mix.

Glad you liked it!

[identity profile] primrose-1.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 10:50 am (UTC)(link)
You always get me on the last lines! What a unique way to fill the prompt! I love it!

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Like Chuck said, endings are hard. I hate reading a really good fic that just fizzles at the end because the author didn't know how to finish it. The shorter the story, the more punch the last line should pack, at least as far as I'm concerned. In short, I'm glad you liked it! :)
embroiderama: (Impala)

[personal profile] embroiderama 2010-09-20 11:07 am (UTC)(link)
Oh wow, I love the way you get into Lucas's POV here and the end is pointier than the tips of his crayons.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm beginning to develop a serious liking for outsider POVs. :)

[identity profile] jaimeykay.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 02:37 pm (UTC)(link)
yep, I voted for this one :)

I loved the childlike voice, but yet he is very mature and perceptive. It was also a nice take on the Impala, that it's falling and not flying. Very well done!

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)
*beams*

Thank you! Lucas is a very, very sensitive kid. I figured that he'd be able to sense a lot of what was happening, even if he didn't understand it all.

Glad you liked it!

[identity profile] hsifeng.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Ohhh...I thought this might be you! I love the ending, and you tend to nail those closing lines. ;)

Wonderful fic honey, thank you for bringing Lucas back around!

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 06:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much!

I am a little freaked out that you are the second person to "identify" my writing in this challenge. First Roque, now you. You are like fic ninjas!

I'm really glad you liked it. I'm having fun revisiting some Season 1 favourites. :)

[identity profile] hsifeng.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
*nods*

Just got done with S1 myself (again), but I am skipping to S4 because I feel like revisiting the scene of the crime before S6 starts*...

This week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week, this week....eh hem...

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*squees quietly in a corner*

[identity profile] roque-clasique.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 07:08 pm (UTC)(link)
So so good! An amazing answer to a really sub-par prompt. AND YOU WINNED! \o/

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-20 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I did winned! \o/

Thank you! Like I said, I am really proud of how this one turned out. :)

*psst*

Go work on your kamikaze remix! *points imperiously*

[identity profile] mdlaw.livejournal.com 2010-09-21 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
That was really good, nice and compact and filled with foreboding. m :)

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-09-21 12:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! :)

[identity profile] charis-kalos.livejournal.com 2010-10-20 06:50 am (UTC)(link)
She'll be happier if she never knows how fast they're really falling.

Wow, that last line is a real kick in the teeth; semi-happy ending with Lucas remembering the men who saved him suddenly turned upside down.

I like your choice of secondary character - Lucas and Andrea are among my favourite civilians.

[identity profile] ratherastory.livejournal.com 2010-10-20 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I really liked Lucas and Andrea too. I'm glad you liked this one, I was very proud of the result myself. :)