ratherastory | Stolen from roque

I choose the lovely sick!Eliot fic you wrote for me, The Question-Mark Job!

*cracks knuckles*

Okay. What didn't make it into the fic was a fairly long digression into the actual case. I seriously considered having Eliot accompany Parker and Hardison in order to go rescue Sophie, and then have him be suitably badass and confront the bad guy. Then I realized that not only would that require another 7k at least, it was also not necessary for the story and wouldn't contribute anything to the dramatic tension. So I left it out. :)

Dean's surgery in the Fusion 'Verse, of course! ;-)

Thanks! You rock, too!

Well, Dean's surgery isn't a detail or background information. I am in fact planning to write it out further at some point in the 'verse. I'm writing all out of order as the stories come to me.

But yeah. Dean's surgery doesn't take place in Sioux Falls, as originally planned. It's meant to, but eventually he decides to have it done at the hospital near the town where he and Sam are going to settle down. :)

Thicker Than Water

or

Ain't Looking Back on the Seeds I've Sown

I CAN'T CHOOSE! *sobs* So I'll let you pick, whichever one calls to you the most. ;)

Okay, in Thicker Than Water there is a whole unwritten scene/sequel in which Dean takes Sam to Bobby's. Bobby assumes the worst, and there ensues a whole lot of Epically Awkward™ as Dean has to explain what really happened.

Oh, and Sam never gets the pony he asked for. ;)

For Ain't Looking Back on the Seeds I've Sown, I briefly considered incapacitating Dean a whole lot more than he ended up being. *cough*

Just one more...The Han Solo Guide to Successful Retirement...maybe Sammy's POV tending to poor, flu-stricken Dean?

Thanks, again!

Sam held it together quite well for that, but there was a point when he actually shut the door in a neighbour's face and locked it.

"You can't be here, you're not on my list." :)

Then he kept the door locked, because people kept trying to come in and making him lose track of things.

I love it! Maybe some day the version of the story from Sam's POV will come to you. I love anyone's POV of Dean feverish and sick and thinking Sam's their Dad. ;-)

Thanks!!

"And Death's Dark Shadows..." I just love that little thing. It hits me in my heart place.

Hee! I contemplated having Perry be the one to locate Sam, but it didn't make all that much sense in terms of the narrative —Perry's not really a tracking dog. Also, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" is my favourite Christmas carol ever. :)

That carol does it to me, too. That and the Conventry Carol. Very cool. ✩

Take Me Home!

All the OCs who helped Sam along the way received thank-you letters and a small present in the mail a few months later. To this day, none of them understand how that happened.

The Wisdom To Know The Difference
"Sam’s arms are covered with thick keloid scars, raised and pink and angry-looking, some of the lacerations still scabbed over. The scars start at his hands and twine all the way up to his shoulders like malevolent vines. Dean recognized the pattern right off, stumbled into the bathroom to throw up, kept dry-heaving long after his stomach was empty while Sam crouched next to him, rubbing his back."
Maybe I don't wanna know, but it's been driving me insane. WHERE DID THEY COME FROM. GUH.

I deliberately left that vague, so that readers could make up their own minds. In my head, there is a level in Hell that Sam dragged himself through where everything was claws and teeth and sharp edges, and it just hung on. If he'd stayed, he wouldn't have been injured: the horror of it is that he had to inflict the damage on himself in order to keep going. That's why Sam hates having his arms touched —because he automatically thinks that it's going to hurt if he tries to get away.

*Wide-eyed moment of clarity* I think I AM glad I asked.
It all makes sense now. That...is truly horrible. Every scene where he freaked out and pulled away...no wonder. It gets me that this is one more example in this 'verse of how, even though he consciously knows that he's out (some of the time), he's still projecting hell onto everything and everyone he sees and interacts with, even if it's as simple as somebody touching him, and thinking about everything in terms of Hell.
Thank you :D

And I totally second everything you just said....

*blinks at Sam with new respect*

That scene - Sam’s arms are covered with thick keloid scars, raised and pink and angry-looking, some of the lacerations still scabbed over. The scars start at his hands and twine all the way up to his shoulders like malevolent vines. Dean recognized the pattern right off, stumbled into the bathroom to throw up, kept dry-heaving long after his stomach was empty while Sam crouched next to him, rubbing his back. - is the most memorable of your Fusion scenes for me and it's the one that struck me. There are many, don't get me wrong, but that one is just striking for me.

I think it's easy to forget in FUSION (and post S4 in general...) that Dean went to Hell. FUSION focuses on Sam and the repercussions Sam is dealing with from being in the Cage and crawling out of Hell -- which, yes, granted, trumps Dean's experiences and I'm not contesting that (hell, even Dean himself says something like "your tour is going to make mine look like Graceland" or something like that). But I just think it's easy to forget that Dean might have his own set of bad memories and issues from his own tour Down There. The line about Dean knowing where Sam's scars come from -- or at least which level -- and what they're caused by and just being revolted and disgusted and triggered by it enough to puke his guts out. It's not the focus but it is such a great reminder that Dean isn't completely "over" his own Tour and never will be even though he's emotionally and mentally is more stable than Sam (in my head I have it kind of set up that Cas sort of put up a barrier in Dean's head that allows Dean to REMEMBER Hell but stops the memories from interfering with day-to-day function and I sort of brought that head-canon to Fusion).

My question for you, then, is was Dean in that level of Hell? Or did he just recognize the marks on Sam from souls he'd tortured during his tour. I mean, I'm not trying to discount Sam's experiences but I still want to smish you for throwing in the reminder that Dean also served a tour of Hell and that maybe, yeah, it still bothers him even though he's in much better mental and emotional shape (thanks to Cas pulling him out versus clawing his way out...).

I don't think Dean was in that particular level of Hell, no, because it's not part of Alastair's MO. Alastair doesn't like to passively inflict damage, he likes to turn it into an art form. Forcing someone to hurt themselves is an entirely different kind of torture than what Alastair did and taught to Dean.

I do think Dean knew all about all the various levels of Hell and what they did, though. Like you said, it's easy to forget about Dean's tour of Hell, because the show kind of stopped paying attention to it after Season 4, but the truth is he did spend forty years down there, and it will have left its mark on him, same as Sam. Just because their experiences were different doesn't mean Dean didn't suffer horribly. Hell is Hell, no two ways about it.

I also think that in at least one way, Dean's experience was worse than Sam's, because he is convinced to this day that stepping off the rack was a choice, and that he's truly responsible for everything he did while he was in Hell. As far as I'm concerned that's not the case. I mean, there haven't been all those studies on Stockholm Syndrome for nothing, but that doesn't mean Dean won't keep beating himself up about it.

I didn't think he was either because - like you mention, it's not part of Alastair's MO, but I was just wondering how it worked into your headcanon for FUSION. But it's obvious that Dean at least knows about the various levels as well as how those scars got there. And I still think Dean maybe tortured a few souls on the rack that had the same markings as Sam (which would totally contribute to the heaving-his-guts-out thing...).

I'm so thrilled you give Dean's 40 years credit - many authors I see now kind of just deal with the whole Sam-was-in-Hell-and-it-sucked-worse-than-Dean while sort of forgetting that Dean was there too. I agree with you - that Dean's experience was vastly different - it'd be like comparing apples and oranges when it comes to comparing the guys' tours in Hell - but it doesn't mean Dean didn't suffer and went through Hell either. Hell is Hell, no two ways about it.

I didn't even think about that. And I don't see it as Stockholm Syndrome either... rather I saw it as Hell very deliberately breaking Dean to the point where Dean just couldn't take it anymore. Granted, he might think it was a choice, but honestly it's not a choice he freely chose... it was one he was forced into and it was the only way out. And being Dean, he'll beat himself up for eternity over it...

rather I saw it as Hell very deliberately breaking Dean to the point where Dean just couldn't take it anymore.

That's actually an aspect of Stockholm Syndrome. Identifying and joining the ranks of your tormentors is a human psychological response to a life-threatening situation. It goes both ways, too, in those situations: the captor also forms an emotional bond with the captive. It's an emotional survival mechanism, forces the two parties to become close, because they see each other as human and valuable.

(Okay, stepping off soapbox now.)

Huh. Learn something new every day.

Thank you for the education! :)

Out of All the Hours--probably my fave of all yours. ;)

Uh, gory background detail: Dean has a weirdly OCD ritual about his own self-harm, which I haven't entirely thought through in my head, because it horrifies even me a little bit. But yeah, it's not random emo cutting but rather a systematic thing linked to his psychosis/delusions about shadow creatures are after him and Sam. Blood sacrifice is the only thing that he believes keeps them at bay.

Damn, that's really interesting. I thought maybe it was more a reaction to the stress, etc., and didn't really think there might be a more complex reason behind it.

I'm honestly sad there isn't more of this fic.

Devil's Trap. My dark favorite of yours!

In the original, never-used incarnation of that fic, I had a fairly long scene happening in the kitchen of an OFC in which the neighbour's dog started barking, and freaked Dean right the hell out. Somewhere in my head canon, Dean can no longer be around dogs ever since he was ripped apart by hellhounds.

Anything from Fusion!!!

I'm considering writing this next, but what the hell: Dean's decision to get a helper dog is cemented after he takes a tumble down a flight of stairs at work and stays stuck there for quite a while with no way to get help because he left his cell phone by the cash register and Sophie has gone home for the day. He's not hurt, but it drives home to him just how vulnerable he is now, and how precarious the balance of his life with Sam is.

OH GOD HOW BAD DO I WANT THAT FIC.

PLEASE. PLEASE BE WRITING IT NEXT.

Fusion 'verse, about the events right after the Dean's knee operation!

There will eventually be a story detailing all of this, but as I said somewhere above, Dean decides to get his surgery done in the hospital near the town where they both end up settling down. Mostly Sam holds it together, and Mrs. O'Keefe makes them more soups and casseroles than they can ever hope to consume at one time. ;)

Privilege of Choice? Pretty, pretty please?

I deliberately left it vague, but in my head the Yellow-Eyed Demon totally ripped apart the old man and left his corpse there to rot.

I agree with the people above - Anything from Fusion!

Sam eventually begins to grow his own vegetables in the garden. :)

AWWWWWWW. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MAKES MY HEART AND OVARIES EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS!!!! I can just see Sam puttering around in their safe, gated backyard, growing vegetables because he got all bored cleaning the house and it's not time to meet Dean at work and he's too mentally exhausted to do translations....

Hee! I love the idea of Sam gardening, I can't even tell you why. Then learning how to preserve the vegetables and forcing Dean to eat stuff that's good for him and putting up good-naturedly with Dean's bitching about having to eat vegetables. ;)

Did you have to turn me into complete putty?! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!! And I love Sammy learning how to preserve what he grows and forcing it on Dean. Of course, Dean will bitch at Sam about having to eat vegetables *again* (as well as asking "what the heck is this green stuff" while poking at it warily with his fork) but honestly, we all know he'll at least eat some of it because Sam grew it and he doesn't want to hurt Sam's feelings... the bitchiness will totally be mostly show as he discovers just how good summer squash can be when it's in season and slathered with butter and salt...

Nihil Inherit, pretty please?

The first attempt at that draft had alternating POVs between Dean and Sam, and would likely have had other POVs as well from canon characters and maybe some OCs, until I realized that the story worked much better told only from Sam's POV. Having him as an unreliable narrator —constantly missing pieces of the puzzle, but with a better understanding of what was happening than anyone aside maybe from Cas— was a great way to deliver information in drips and drabs to the reader.

I My Loved Ones' Watch Am Keeping....

Huh, I missed this somehow.

Um. There's actually not much to tell about that one. What you see is what you get. I did sort of base Virginia off a couple of my friends' children: precocious and generous to a fault. :)

HEE! I kind of figured as much... that fic (and Virginia) is too adorable for words!

Stolen from roque_clasique

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject